Saved by My Chemical Romance

When I was 18 I went through a period of self harm and the way I got through it was through music and relying on God. Music has always been an emotional release for me. I remember when I was younger sitting relaxing while The Offspring blared out my stereo speakers. About 6 months later I became a Christian.

Things were great and I was enjoying life until I found that I didn’t fit the “Christian mould”. I wore black clothes, I listened to “loud” music, I didn’t say the “right words” and I thought differently. That’s when some Christians I knew started to change me. I slowly became a completely different person and eventually felt trapped. I tried to wear other colours but always seemed to go back to black. I tried to say the right things but it never seemed to come out right. I tried to listen to slower music but it was all so boring. I ended up in a place where I didn’t enjoy doing anything anymore. I was sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I felt like I was meant to be a different person to be a real Christian, but I eventually realised that this wasn’t the way God intended my life to be.

I developed a “meh” attitude and wore my black clothes proudly even though I knew people were looking at me strangely. I listened to my heavy metal Christian music even though I knew people would make a comment about it being “too loud” or something silly like that.
It wasn’t until I got back into MCR that things started to fall back into place.

I started watching music videos on YouTube and stumbled across MCR music videos. The first time I saw I’m not ok and Helena I was hooked and seeing them again it was like I’d stumbled upon something great. I started to remember how I felt when first watched these videos. Then I moved on to more MCR videos (I Don’t Love You, Teenagers, Ghost of You). I feel in love again and something sparked. I had found what made me excited and what made me me. People can call me emo or whatever, I don’t care anymore. MCR (and God) have made me realise that it doesn’t matter what other people think. Life is all about being true to yourself and doing what you love.

I want to make videos/films and work with computers, I don’t care how nerdy that it. I want to be moved emotionally by music, I don’t care how emo that makes me. I want to wear the clothes I feel comfortable in and not be effected by what other people think. MCR seem to have a “f*** you, I’ll do what I want” attitude. Its shown by the way they write songs about whatever they want, they make videos about whatever they want and they live life however they want. I want my life to be similar, but with less swearing =)